I don’t know what it is about having a daughter that makes parents more protective. For us, it started even before our daughter was born. We made sure to give her a name that would keep her from jumping on a stripper pole at the first sign of financial difficulty.
That’s why her name is Gracie and not Satin, Topaz, or, god forbid, Chastity. From what I can understand, Chastity comes from an ancient word meaning, “I’ll start popping out your grand-babies at 14 if the meth doesn’t get me first.” My Latin may not be perfect, but I’ve known a lot of girls named Chastity.
It doesn’t stop with the naming process. It never stops. There’s an ongoing list of do’s and don’ts. Seeing older children at the park or in a store, prompts additions to that list.
I know every time we see a 12-year-old wearing pants with writing on the ass, I will hear my husband start to mutter, “No way in hell will my daughter ever…”
Tina Fey’s new book, Bossypants, includes a prayer for her daughter that every parent of a daughter should read. It should be stapled to the birth certificate of every girl-child born from now on.
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, read more
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