Category Archives: Parenting

Caution: Your Kids Might Just End Up Just Like Their Parents

We’ve been having a problem with Wesley lately: He will stay up to all hours reading when he’s supposed to be asleep. Yay for reading, of course, but the biggest problems are the aftereffects. He sleeps in the next morning and spends the rest of the day arguing and complaining.

We have tried everything to make him stop. I took away his TV privileges, which seemed pretty silly. “Keep reading and you’ll never watch TV again! That’ll teach you!” We gave him half an hour of reading every night before bed if he would just please stop when it was over. We took his lamp away and he turned on his room light. We started patrolling the hallway more regularly (German Shepherds, searchlights, concertina wire…we go all out), and he started reading by the streetlight. Tonight I came upstairs and heard some rustling. I stepped into his room and gave him my best mommy-guilt eyebrow. He sadly lifted up his pillow to reveal two books hidden underneath like it was his meth stash.

This is a case of the nut not falling far from the tree. I used to and still do stay up way too late reading books. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series was my biggest problem last year. I read each one in 2 days and I was not fun to live with. I imagine. I’m not really sure. It’s all kind of a blur. I know I have a problem because it doesn’t even take a particularly good book to keep me up, hence the recent spate of Jack Reacher novels.

Wednesday night, while I was up reading The Dog Listener, he clandestinely stayed up reading The Lightning Thief. Thursday morning we were both grouchy. After much grousing about his math lessons (the day before he was learning long division and all of a sudden subtraction is “too hard”), I gave up and called school off for the day. We cuddled up on the couch and went back to reading. Now I’m an enabler.

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Woman sues McDonald’s for putting toys in Happy Meals

I was watching Nightline last night (no, the going to bed on time thing isn’t working out, why do you ask?) and they had a story about Monet Parham suing McDonald’s because they put toys in Happy Meals. *gasp* I know! When did that start?!

Her main reasons:

  •  My baby is begging for unhealthy food just to get the toy.
  • She won’t stop.

Her solution:

  • McDonald’s needs to offer healthier choices in the Happy Meals or stop putting toys in them.

I know where she’s coming from. When we were thinking about having kids, I didn’t read any of those silly parenting books because I knew I could trust big corporations to have the best interest of my children in mind at all times. Oh, wait. That would be stupid.

Now, Monet says that she does tell her child, “no,” but the kid keeps seeing McDonald’s commercials and wants those toys soooo much.

Let me fix that for you. First, your kid is always going to bug you for crap that isn’t good for her, but it’s your job as her mother to regulate her intake. Second, turn off the TV if she becomes thrall to every product advertised.

My kids mostly watch PBS, which is educational and commercial-free. On Saturday’s they get to watch an hour of Sonic X. I told them that if they begged me for the crap on the commercials, they would lose the priviledge of watching Sonic. Gracie will bring up Twinkletoes in conversation, but she doesn’t beg for them.

Would my kids eat junk and watch TV all day if they could? Of course! Ever since Gracie found out that someone made candy into a necklace (fashionable and tasty), she would choose that over any other food if she could. But my kids know that isn’t an option, so they mostly ask for things they have a shot at getting.

I think Monet Parham needs to get over her issues and go back to being a mom. Parenting can be a chore at times, but you shouldn’t run out and sue any business that makes it harder. Anyway, last time I checked, you could buy the toys individually. Try that, Sparky.

How to get your children to love learning

Luckily, since we homeschool, we don’t have to worry about books, so this doesn’t really apply to us. All I have to teach the kids is to fear and loathe anything that isn’t written in the Bible, wear mismatched clothes, oh, and Gracie has to be in a skirt and in the kitchen at all times. Easy peasy. (If you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you.)

I use real life lessons to encourage my kids to do their best. Now is the time of year to do it, too, because Liberty Tax Service is starting its annual “poor bastard in a Statue of Liberty outfit holding a sign and waving” campaign.

“That is a fine example of why you should go to college or get some decent job skills.”
“Why, Mom?”
“Because if you don’t, that could be you standing out in the cold in a silly outfit.”

Post Christmas Christmas Post: What a mom wants

Throughout December Paul threatened me with a Snuggie. He swore it would be my only present and I would love it. I assured him that the best thank-you note for a Snuggie would be divorce papers.

Luckily, my real present arrived in an Amazon box where it stayed until I opened it Christmas morning. Somehow the box made me anticipate it more than any wrapping paper could have. It meant books!

Thinking in Pictures: My Life with Autism I was a little thrown by the title of this book until I saw the author’s name: Temple Grandin. Then I remembered an excellent BBC documentary I watched quite a while ago entitled The Woman Who Thinks Like a Cow. It was a very intriguing story of a woman born with severe autism (available on YouTube here and highly recommended) who now has a PhD and a successful career. Paul heard her on NPR and thought I would like the book. I do. Temple Grandin does an excellent job of describing autism from the inside. Her description of sensory sensitivity and sensory overload are eye-opening. I’m sure her suggestions for treatment and therapy will benefit many parents and caretakers of autistic children.

The Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Teaching Reading by Jessie Wise  This is another book I originally checked out at the library. Gracie wants to read so badly and I work with her quite a bit. However, I wanted something a bit more structured to get her on the right track. This book has short lessons that build up her reading skills and it has suggestions for fun activities to help her practice.  The book is set up in such a way that it is easy to skip ahead to the section she needs without any trouble. I’m also using it as a review for Wesley. I like that it is so comprehensive. It starts with letter sounds, builds up to longer letter combinations, and ends with words like “enthusiastically” and “anticipation.”

  A Passion for Nature: The Life of John Muir: Our library has this book and I read about three chapters before I took it back. There were so many passages and quotes that I wanted to highlight or underline that I didn’t want to read through it unless it was mine. That was a year ago. My dear husband remembered and bought it for me. Now I’m ready to get back into it.

After that cornucopia of literature, I was a happy camper, but Paul ran out to the car to get one more present… A heated throw for my shivery little self! Finally winter might be bearable after all. It’s so warm and comfy. It shuts off automatically after 3 hours so I won’t bake myself if I fall asleep under it. Of course now my living area is limited to the radius of the cord until April but that gets me out of doing laundry.  Best Christmas present ever!

Teach by doing

I tell the kids all the time that they should cut away from themselves. But there I was, breaking down an Amazon box with scissors, ignoring my own advice. And, of course, the scissors slipped and I sliced nearly all the way across the base of my pinkie.

Good thing my daughter was there to say, “Let me see… Whoa. BROTHER, COME LOOK AT THIS!”

Because the scissors were nice and sharp, I had a smooth-edged cut that bled quickly. I ran upstairs to the medicine cabinet where I realized that whoever took the last Transformers band-aid put the empty box back.

No bandages and a good trickle of blood? Time to teach the kids how to fix a cut with Super Glue. Paul taught me how to do it years ago, but I usually had band-aids, so I haven’t needed to use it much. Basically, clean it off, squeeze the sides together, and apply a bead of Super Glue. Wait for it to dry and you’re golden. I’m sure it’s a much easier process if your kids aren’t standing over you with magnifying glasses.

Now I can wash my hands without reopening the wound and, by the time the Super Glue comes off, the cut will be healed.

Disclaimer: If you try this and end up gluing your finger to your eyelid or something stupid, don’t come crying to me.

What A Week

Our busiest week in December was last week and, believe it or not, it had very little to do with the holidays. The kids both had dentist appointments and Gracie had an eye doctor appointment. I scheduled those appointments months ago and inadvertently managed to get them in the same week. Way to go, Steve. (Paul insists that I mention that that phrase comes from MST3K’s Manos, The Hands of Fate. This link will take you directly to the entire episode. You probably won’t thank me for it and Torgo will haunt your dreams, but it’s one of my favorite episodes.)

Pile on preschool, piano lessons and gymnastics and by Thursday we were already worn out.

But why stop there? So Friday we went with some of our friends to the Appalachian History Museum up past Knoxville. That was a 2-hour ride each way and lots of running and playing in between. It was a beautiful place with lots of neat buildings and objects.

Now, in addition to many beautiful, old buildings, this place has a big gravel parking lot, a lovely gift shop, and beautiful free-range peacocks. Each of those things are fine on their own. They’re even fine together. But when you sell slingshots in the gift shop, it all goes wrong. Then it’s just a parking lot full of ammo and targets. They really shouldn’t test the ethics of young children like that. Luckily, no peacocks were harmed in the making of this field trip, but it was a close call.

Mom’s church was having a parents’ night out that night. It’s an excellent fundraiser for the youth mission trip and we would normally have taken advantage of the opportunity. However, I didn’t want to drop my exhausted children off with some poor volunteers because, an hour in, my kids would start making Charles Manson look like Mother Teresa. Mom offered to let them spend the night at her house instead. Hooray!

Paul and I went out to The Acropolis and it was delicious. Note: After a long day, it’s not a good idea to down a pomegranate martini on an empty stomach…it’s a great idea.

After eating dinner and finishing up some Christmas shopping, we went home and did what every couple does when they are finally free of the kids, first on the couch and then in the bedroom. Do I have to spell it out for you? Okay, we fell asleep.

Saturday evening we went to the Tivoli to see The Nutcracker and that was its own little adventure.

Overall, it was a fun week, but we were exhausted. I was glad to have a peaceful snow day to recharge with the kids.

Snow Day Links

Let me guess, your kids played in the snow for twenty minutes before they were wet, cold, and begging to come back inside. So you stuck them in front of the TV and now here you are at the computer. Not proud of yourself, are you?

It’s okay. You aren’t alone.  I told my kids they were letting all of the heat out of the house when they kept running in and out of the door and one of them said, “So?”

Now I’m making them watch Alive. That should teach them.

For those of you in Wisconsin and Minnesota, who have gotten 18 and 23 inches, respectively, I’d like to let you know that here in Chattanooga, TN, we’ve gotten an inch of snow and the city is shut down.

Here are some links to ease the pain: read more »

Spoiled

Before dinner, Paul let Gracie give him a manicure with nail polish she described as “so pink you don’t know if you were born with it or not.”

Now he’s combing out her hair (21″ of curly madness) for me after her shower.

I’d marry him all over again and this time it wouldn’t be just for his money.

Season’s Greetings

A local radio station here in Chattanooga (98.1) has been playing Christmas music for about 3 weeks now. Normally that would annoy me, but I promised Paul that if he didn’t make me do all the things that stress me out on the holidays I would ooze so much damn Christmas spirit he would be shocked.

That means the kids get to blast Christmas music all the time. Pandora in the living room, the car radio, the radios in their rooms…

We were driving somewhere the other day and Baby, It’s Cold Outside came on. (You know, the one that’s a duet with the lady trying to leave and the man talking her out of it. I’m not saying the song is about date rape but at one point she does say, “Say, what’s in this drink?”  Hmmm….)

Thirty seconds into the song, Gracie asked, “Why does he keep interrupting her?” I explained that it was a duet. Then the man sang, “It’s up to your knees out there.” Wesley said, “It’s up to her knees? I wonder how tall she is. Mom, how tall is she?” I really don’t know, but I am starting to suspect that most van accidents are caused by children’s questions.

I’m off to eat some mistletoe…

We might have to have an intervention

I popped into Wesley’s room at 9:45 and he was lying there reading a book.

I said,”Aha! Reading again? I should have known! I’m so disappointed.”

He laughed and said, “You’re really proud, Mom.”

I said, warily, “I don’t know…I guess so.”

(pic by Shannon Archuleta)

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