Category Archives: Family

My Life in Quotes: Getting Alone Time With My Spouse

Our marriage is pretty solid, mostly due to the fact that my husband is more an “ass man” than a “personality man.”  Unfortunately, that alone doesn’t make a good marriage. We also have support for the most important thing: alone time.

My mom helps a lot. Not only did she pass on the ass genes, but she also does a great job of taking the kids so Paul and I can spend time together. She will keep them Friday night and all day Saturday: 24 hours of kid free bliss. Somehow, being free from interruptions and responsibility makes me realize how much I enjoy spending time with Paul. He still gives me the warm fuzzies after all these years.

We were driving home from picking up the kids after another great respite and I wanted to make sure he knew how special he is to me.

Me: I already look forward to spending more time with you. I never get to the point where I’m like, “Well, that’s enough for me.” Except for the times when I’m stressed and I don’t want to be around anyone.

Paul: I know what you mean. I like spending time with me, too. I find myself very witty and intellectual.

Me: I don’t know why I share with you.

Paul: Sometimes I even catch myself trying to seduce myself.

Me: Give me a break.

Paul: And sometimes I succeed.

Me: That’s enough.

A Boy’s First Pet or A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Pet Store

Our wonderful neighbors had a 30 gallon aquarium that they wanted to downsize. One of the problems with getting rid of it was that it still had residents: a few algae eaters and a school of catfish that refused to succumb to old age. Their problems were solved when Wesley said he wanted an aquarium more than anything else in the world. They couldn’t get it over here fast enough.

Fish sounded like a great idea to me. With the dog’s friends visiting him in the middle of the night to bark conversations through the fence and the cats playing “how many different ways can we stand in the litter box and still miss?” I was starting to think a small contained pet was the way to go.

A few Saturdays ago, they drained the tank and stuck the fish in a bucket. Then they came over, helped me move the furniture around in Wesley’s room, carried everything over, and set it up. They were using phrases like “when you clean it” and “treating the water” that made me start to think that it wouldn’t just be Wesley’s responsibility. read more »

Weekend Warriors: Biking and Canoeing in Chattanooga

Friday was Paul’s 19th straight day of working and he was worn out. My mom took the kids for us on Friday night and a good wife would have let him sleep in and rest up. As we’ve already established, I’m not a good wife. read more »

Would you let your 7-year-old get plastic surgery?

This Good Morning America segment focuses on the rise of plastic surgery in minors. Seven-year-old Samantha’s mom says her cup ears are the reason she will be bullied in the future. The plastic surgeon says they could “impact her developing self-identity.”

I would like to add that, as someone without cup ears or a hump on my back, I was bullied in school; I think we would be hard-pressed to find anyone who wasn’t. If it’s not appearance, it’s clothing, hairstyle, money, what your name rhymes with; bullies will find something.

Might I also add that, for a woman who supposedly cares so much about her child’s appearance, she certainly didn’t bother to keep her bangs from getting butchered.

It’s her decision, but I lean more toward the “Boy Named Sue” school of thought on bullying: Instead of surgery, put her in karate class.

What would you have done?

What We’re Reading Wednesday: The Lord of the Rings

We finished rereading The Hobbit this weekend. I read it to Wesley when he was 5, but I wanted to read it again to make sure that Gracie was caught up. A lot of the time, I wasn’t sure if she was even listening. Toward the end, she burst into tears when some of the main characters died (if you don’t know who, get thee to Amazon). I guess she was listening after all.

As soon as we finished, Wesley insisted that we proceed directly to The Lord of the Rings.

Paul pulled out a a large hardback tome housing the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy that a friend had given to him when he was a teenager (back before steam power). It’s dark red with embossed designs on the cover and a map that unfolds from inside. I’ve always been a sucker for a book with a map in it.

The kids and I were duly impressed but I am risking a wrist injury by trying to hold the whole thing up, especially when Wesley gets his way and we read 50 pages at a time.

My father read all of these books to us when we were kids. I remember the trilogy being decidedly darker than The Hobbit. The Lord of the Rings is no barrel of dwarves. I still remember getting cold chills at the parts with the Ring Wraiths or the sounds of footsteps following them in the mines of Moria. I’m looking forward to scaring the crap out of sharing the experience with my own kids.

Toys and Tyrants

Since yesterday was Wesley’s birthday, I let him be in charge and do whatever he wanted. It may not have been the best decision I’ve ever made.

He declared read more »

Why Moms Need Timeouts: The Benefits of a Weekend Getaway

This weekend I went to Gatlinburg with seven other moms and I got to spend three days decompressing. Decompressing: v. the act of relaxing and certainly not getting drunk on Apple Pie Moonshine and spending too much time watching HGTV. On a related note, if you need to have your house staged for a quick sell by a drunk who smells like applesauce, I’m your woman.

I think it’s very important that every mom has time to herself.  What could you do with a weekend away?

Recharge. Leaving your family for a few days isn’t neglecting them; it’s actually good for them in the long run. A woman who has had a chance to recharge is going to be a better wife and mom than one who is tired and worn out.

Get some perspective. It’s nice to take a step back and get a better idea of how everything is going. It is easier for me to see what is going well and what needs tweaking when I don’t feel like I’m nose-deep in it.

Take a breath. Family life can seem like a perpetual motion machine because of the constant activity. With soccer, gymnastics, library visits, grocery shopping, playdates, and field trips, most days can be exhausting. Even on the days that we don’t have anything to do outside of the house I feel like I’m always preparing food. I go from breakfast to snack to lunch to snack to dinner and then it’s bedtime.

Having a weekend to myself gave me time to be still, which is something I need to make more time for in my regular life. There was nothing that I had to keep up, no undone task looming behind me. (Though I did keep wondering how long it would take for the laundry pile at home to become sentient and start texting me.)

Keep your sense of self. That’s a hard thing to do when most of our time is spent being a mom or wife. Who are you when you aren’t being Mom? Most people tend to shove their own personalities and preferences aside in favor of the role they play most often. I’m still in mom mode for hours after my kids go to sleep. It’s hard to shake.

One thing I noticed when watching Hoarders is that some of the women would say, “I never had a problem with it until the kids moved out. Now I just fill my time with going to yardsales/collecting cats/trying to tunnel through my stacks of random crap.” Those women long ago forgot who they were without their kids.

What did I do with my free time? I read a book. I ate dinner by myself. I slept ’til 8:45. I went running with a friend. I wrote blog posts by hand. (You’re welcome.) I hiked to a waterfall. I talked to people I didn’t know.  

Who are you when no one needs you? What would you do with your time?

pic by kke227

Favorite Thing Friday: Art Display Wire

Since our dining room is also where we do most of our school work, it is hard to keep it organized. On top of that, Gracie is what I call a little, crafting tornado. She will easily turn out 10 projects a day.

There’s no way our refrigerator has room for all of her creations. Besides, we use the refrigerator for other things…

On one of our trips to IKEA, I spotted bought an art display wire (also available in different variations at Amazon). After a few weeks of sneaking up on Paul and using it as a garrote, he decided to go ahead and install it for his own  safety.

Now it’s strung across one wall of the dining room and displays all of the kids’ latest art projects.

I love it because it gets the crafts off the table and Gracie and Wesley love being able to see their work on display.

If you have a favorite thing that makes your life easier, more fun, or just makes you smile, send a pic and description to MySpinningPlates1 [at] gmail.com.

Preparing Your Family for an Emergency

This guest post has been written by Stephan Fassmann from FamilyLifeBoat.com.

In the last several months Tennesseans have been hit by a number of disasters that used to be quite rare for them.

Multiple tornadoes that wrecked towns, major snowstorms that shut everything down for days which also resulted in blackouts, then there was the flooding last fall. Then on the west side of the state is the New Madrid fault, which should be of great concern because the building codes haven’t really taken it into account. There are the nuclear sites on the east side of the state, which at least puts them pretty far away from the fault zone. Then there are all the normal things like cuts & scrapes, car accidents and heart attacks that don’t care where you live.

One very important thing to remember about disasters is that most people live through them. In Japan tens of thousands of people are dead, but millions are still alive. In Haiti nearly 20% of the population died one day, but that still left 80% alive. Even the studies of global thermonuclear war found that most people would live through even that. Expect to live.

So what you do is create a series of survival kits that will provide you these basics under a variety of circumstances. Too often when you hear the word survival kit people jump to a vision of Rambo or some other guy with the camouflage backpack, festooned with guns and knives. In real life it just a few vital things added to your purse, the car’s glovebox and home pantry.

What you should really think about is the mother with the big diaper bag with extra diapers and wipes or the grandmother with the handbag that always has what you need in it. I think most people have known someone like this in their lives or have been this person. It’s so common it is virtually everywhere in fiction, think Dora’s backpack, Batman’s utility belt, Mary Poppin’s carpetbag, Hermoine’s little beaded bag. Can you think of anything you’ve needed that you have in your bag or can put in your bag?

Instead of having one big survival kit, think in layers, just like dressing for cold weather. You might have 1-3 days worth in your purse or briefcase. Your car or workplace would have another 3-7 days worth. At home you might have 2 weeks to 3 months worth of food and other goods for your family. In flood-prone areas sealing things up in heavy-duty plastic bags is a good idea.

There are 5 pillars to preparedness. Five basic needs everyone has to have met at all times:
Food, water, shelter, medical supplies and information.

Food
Nobody thinks it is at all unusual to take a lunch to work or to have a food bar in their purse. That is just common sense, you’re going to get hungry later and you’ll want to eat. Now think of it from a different point of view, if you couldn’t easily get more food for some reason, earthquake or blizzard, that would represent a day’s worth of food.

One of the big things we’ve seen in from the Sendai earthquake is that if the earthquake happens in the middle of the day you might be stuck at work for quite some time. Having lots of food at home is a good idea but isn’t very useful if you are stuck at work across town.

Add a few cans of soup in your desk at work, just for variety’s sake, and a few more in the car in case you get stuck in a snow drift and suddenly you find yourself with a weeks worth of food near you nearly all the time.

If we’ve learned anything from the disasters from the last few years is that while some government agencies are still recommending a 3 day supply of food and essentials that is wildly optimistic estimate to expect rescue. The US Geologic Survey is recommending 2 weeks as the new minimum and expect to share.

You might already have plenty of food in your home, look in the pantry and make a list of what you could make from what is in there and how long it would last. Don’t forget about cooking it, some extra fuel for the backyard grill will make a big difference.

Now if you are ingesting food you are going to excrete it later, so toilet paper, wet wipes and hand sanitizer are important things to have on hand. There are little travel rolls that will fit in purses and briefcases, and individually wrapped rolls that are perfect for the car or office.

Water
We have one of the best water systems in the world. Clean water from the tap any time we want and it hardly ever breaks down. But when it does break down from a natural disaster or even just a water main break, it can be a big problem. Boston lost pressure in their system a couple of years ago and they ended up having to boil their water for over a week before it was restored to normal.

Water is vital to survival, but it’s heavy and a little bulky. A small water bottle is easy to carry around, a small vial of water purification tablets in your purse is something you can get from the camping department of Walmart. Keeping a case in the minivan and at the office is a good idea too. At a minimum you need 1 gallon per person per day.

At home you want keep some bottled water, and some different ways to purify water. Using regular bleach it takes 1/4 teaspoon per gallon to purify clear water, double for cloudy water. You can also bring the water to a boil for a couple of minutes. A grill safe pot and extra fuel is a good idea if the power goes out. There are pictures of Japanese boiling water in woks over fires from the salvaged wood of their destroyed homes. Finally there are sub-micron, water purification filters you can get in camping stores.

Shelter
Shelter is more then just a roof over your head, light, heat and security. Experienced moms always tell their children to not forget their coats, and pack an extra set of clothes in case the baby suffers a blow out. Shelter starts with your clothes and includes your vehicle, as well as light, heat and protection.

If your home is destroyed where would you go? A tornado may destroy a neighborhood but if you go far enough there would be space in a motel. In earthquake zones all building may be compromised, so a backup tent is a good idea, but a car or minivan can work too. In virtually all disasters they provide blankets, which are also a form of shelter. They help keep you warm. Do you have some extra blankets handy?

Light is a big part of shelter, flashlights are good but something even better is a headlamp. There are lots of jobs that need to be done that require both hands and a hand lamp lets you do that and gives you a way to see what you are doing. There are also chemical light sticks and windup lanterns that are very handy too. Candles and oil lamps certainly work, but make sure to keep them away from flammables.

You need a source of heat for cooking and staying warm. Propane, natural gas, kerosene and charcoal are all things you can store at home, but make sure to follow manufacturers instructions since most of these cannot be used indoors or even in an open garage. Don’t forget you can use a wood stove or fireplace to heat and cook food, if you have fuel on hand and fire safe pots and pans, cast iron works great.

If oil is the lifeblood of our country then the nervous system of our country is based on electricity. Batteries for flashlights and portable radios are obvious. Less obvious is making sure that the equipment can share the batteries. AA is generally the most versatile.

Most people know about a UPS for their computer, but they forget that the cable modem or DSL modem also need to be plugged in to it too. They usually have 3 days of backup power on their side, but you need some too. An inverter will allow you to use your car to power some small things. There are small solar panel for powering cellphones and the like.

Good shelter is also safe, being able to keep your family safe is an important part of shelter. This generally means some kind of weapon. It can be as simple as a good heavy flashlight, but it can be pepper spray or a gun. What kind depends on what you are willing to do and allowed to have in your jurisdiction. I won’t go into depth on this topic because it is a personal topic you have to discuss with your family. It is also a very popular discussion point all over the web, so there is no point hashing it out again here. Japan is very calm after their earthquake, New Zealand did well too, but remember after the Chilean earthquake gangs rampaged, and the looting after Katrina is legendary.

Medical Supplies
One of the most disturbing things I’ve seen is that fact that 75% of British parents have no idea what to do if their child gets hurt other then to call the ambulance. Get a first aid kit, first aid book, and take a first aid course so you know what to do with it all, the Red Cross runs them almost all the time so getting in on a class is easy.

A first aid kit is always nice to have handy, even if it is just an adhesive bandage in your wallet. There is more to this then just a first aid kit, though that is important. If your children have asthma you and they carry an inhaler. If your child has a severe allergy you might carry an epi-pen. If you take medications you should carry a small with you in case you can’t get home for a few day or a copy of the prescription. If you wear glasses, do you have a spare in case they break?

Information
This is probably the one thing on the list you are wondering about the most. How is information important during a disaster? Knowledge is power and also lets you make correct decisions to keep yourself and your family safe. Above I talked about taking a first aid could so you could help others who have been hurt. The more you know the better action you can take to help yourself and others. If the Japanese are angry about anything during their disaster, it’s that they are not getting enough information about the nuclear incident to take appropriate action.

How about identification of yourself and your family? If you were wheeled into the emergency room unconscious after an accident, could they identify you, or your children? How would they know about any allergies? Make an Emergency Identification Card. Most word processors have business card templates. Make one for each of your family members with a picture, name, address, phone numbers, contact person, allergies and medical conditions, blood type and religion so they can help you faster.

One of the things we are seeing in Japan from the Sendai Earthquake are people hanging out at the Apple Store to get news, send email and post to blogs as they try to reconnect with family and friends. In the old days people would gather around the electronics shop to watch the television for news, now it’s the internet where we get our news. But don’t forget about the radio in the car, it is battery powered.

During a disaster it is often easier to get a text message out than a phone call, and an out-of-state call often gets through when an in-state call does not. A post to twitter, Facebook or a blog can get families back together again. But the radio in your car can help you learn where a shelter has been set up.

Your cellphone can hold far more information then you can readily remember. You can store contacts for your insurance companies and banks, and things like a locksmith and taxi service. There are apps for the iPhone/iPod touch and some other smartphones for first aid, wilderness survival and more.

Books are always useful, subjects like first aid, identifying edible plants, cookbooks and general survival can be very helpful.

Conclusion
Being prepared isn’t about becoming that crazy camo guy, but just being ready for the things you know will come up. And taking care of your families basic needs: food, water, shelter, medical supplies and information.

Enough ready to eat food and bottled water in the pantry for 2 weeks will help you through most disasters. Some extra blankets, shoes and warm clothes in the car in case you get stuck in the snow. Medical supplies, emergency contact cards and up-to-date contacts in your charged cell phone can make your life much easier, and downgrade disasters into emergencies or just an inconvenience.

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Sign up for the free ecourse Food Storage 101 at FamilyLifeBoat.com and get more information to find peace of mind through preparedness.

Street Level Video of the Tsunami

This is an amazing video of the tsunami, from the first trickle of water to terrible destruction in just 6 minutes. The force of the water is so surprising. The beginning of the video is filmed at street level and the rest at uncomfortably close to the quickly rising water. I kept telling the cameraman to back up. If my husband had been there he would have noted that had the cameraman not stayed safe, we wouldn’t be watching this video, would we?

 

The kids and I watched coverage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan the day it happened. Wesley said, “Mom, we have to go over and help them right now! Can we, Mom?”

Sorry, kiddo, but I doubt bringing a 5 and 6 year-old to a country with food, water, and transportation issues will be much benefit to the local population. I had to explain to him that we could certainly do things like that when he was a teenager, but he was a bit young for it now.

I wonder how Paul’s going to feel about Wesley getting my “let’s going running out the door every time we see a need” gene.

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