That title may be a bit misleading. This isn’t a post about places to fall in Chattanooga, though I’m sure there are lots of good ones. This is a post about a fun thing to do in Chattanooga in the fall.
One of our favorite things to do is to canoe at the Chattanooga Nature Center (now the Chattanooga Arboretum and Nature Center). The Nature Center offers free canoeing for members. They provide the life jackets, paddles, and canoes.
We went as a family one weekend with our neighbors and it was a lot of fun. I had the urge to go again on a weekday and made the mistake of asking my husband, who is much bigger and stronger than I am, “Do you think I can get one of those canoes in and out of the rack by myself?” “Of course,” he assured me. “They really aren’t that heavy.”
I believed him.
As we were getting ready to get in the water, I helped a couple dock and exit their canoe. The husband was kind enough to offer to help me carry our canoe down to the water. Once we were in the water, I noticed that a canoe with two kids in it is much more wobbly than a canoe with one kid in it. We had been kayaking a lot and canoes sit so much higher in the water. I had to give the “Everybody just hold still for a second!” warning a few times before they got the hang of it again.
We brought a plastic, folding stool so Gracie could sit in the middle of the boat. Wesley sat in the bow with one paddle and I sat in the stern with the other.
Once we had been paddling for a while, Gracie started asking me to turn the boat around. “We need to turn around, Mom.” “When are we going back, Mom?” She was getting pretty adamant about it.
I said, “Grace, what is the deal? It’s going to look the same no matter which way we’re going.”
She said, “I don’t want to go over a waterfall.”
It was then that I realized the flaw in children’s cartoons. Every time someone in a cartoon is in a canoe for over ten seconds, they end up going over a waterfall. In Gracie’s mind, we were way past our time limit. I explained to her that a) we were going upstream, so any waterfall we saw would be pretty part of the scenery and b) I wouldn’t put in if there was a chance of going over a waterfall.
All in all, we had a great time. I convinced the kids that we should keep as quiet as possible so we could see more wildlife. It worked out really well. They were very quiet and we were able to see a Great Blue Heron and a Belted Kingfisher. We also saw what I’m guessing was a mink, since it was too small to be an otter and was the wrong shape for a muskrat. It was fast and slipped into the water as soon as it noticed us. (Do mink swim?) Wesley even saw some deer prints in a muddy bank.
Right after we turned around, the kids wanted to switch places, so we did a very carefully orchestrated manuever: “You sit in the bottom of the boat. Now, you step over her. Okay, stay in the middle and carefully get in the seat. Now, you move back to your seat…” The fact that we all stayed dry is a testament to the awesomeness of my kids.
We headed back to the dock and the kids carried the paddles and water bottles up the ramp. All that was left to do was carry the canoe up the very steep ramp and get it into the rack. I got it out of the water, flipped it on its side, and hefted it onto my shoulder. I don’t know how much those things weigh, but they’re in the “damn heavy” range. I tiptoed it up the ramp powered only by sheer determination and husband cursing. I took a breather and then pushed it up into the rack. Unfortunately, though I had managed to get it onto two of the rails, I could not get it onto the third. Fortunately, the kids climbed under it and lifted it enough for me to push it in all the way. Little troopers.
When Paul got home that night, I showed him the plate-sized bruise on my leg caused by the side of the canoe bumping against me as I carried up the ramp. “Wait,” he said. “You picked it up? I meant you could drag it.” Once again, folks, communication is very important to a good marriage.
In summary, as the weather gets cooler, head down to the Nature Center and go canoeing. Just be sure to bring another adult.
You know what haunts my dreams? Doesn’t matter anymore because this thing has just taken its place.
I’ve been going through the kids’ books and, as much as it pains me to get rid of some of their first books, I found quite a few that I must recommend to folk with younger children.
Then I end up watching over my shoulder instead of writing.
from Lowes, and got to work. I learned a lot. For instance: now I know that I hate spackling corners. I had some help. Paul did a great job of picking out a paint color for the walls and he painted the ceiling for me. 
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